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Stress has often been called a killer. It can make you physically ill, can cause pain, not to mention what it does to your mental health!

Stress has always been a problem for me. When I get too stressed out, I shut down. Or at least that’s what I was told when I went to the hospital. They said that when I am faced with an incredible amount of stress, I implode. I shut down and cease to function.

Stress, to me now, is just another day. It eats at me. I get sick to my stomach, have bad headaches, and it can cause panic attacks.

Stress comes in many shapes and sizes. There is no “one size fits all”.  How one person may handle a situation can be considered especially stressful to another. It’s just like recovery, there isn’t one way to fix everyone. It happens in its own time.

What is Stress?

Stress can be defined as the brain’s response to any demand. Almost anything can trigger stress, whether this is your daily routine, or that new project your boss threw at you at the last minute…or any kind of change.


Stress has often been called a killer because of the toll it takes on the human body. We’ve seen instances where people have stress-related strokes or heart attacks. Often, people get migraines or have digestive issues when faced with stress.


Everyone has a stress response. It’s what helps us with the fight or flight system, when we are faced with something dangerous. There are chemicals in our brains that are released in short spurts during that time so we can defend ourselves or run away. It makes your pulse quicken, your brain uses more oxygen and the activity increases, you breathe faster and your muscles tense up. This is helpful when facing a dangerous situation, but when you’re not and your body is reacting with all those chemicals, what happens? When you’re dealing with chronic stress, those same chemicals that help you in short bursts to get away, can actually suppress what you need to make it through the day. Your immune system can be suppressed, your digestive system as well as excretory and reproductive systems can stop functioning as normal.

Combating these symptoms can be hard. Not everyone recognizes that their symptoms are stress related. How can you relieve something when you don’t know what causes it?

Try to take a look at your life by taking a step back. When do you feel the most pain? Do you start getting sick when you are heading to work?

Not all Bad

Not all stress is bad. You are faced with stress each and every day, again you may not know it.

When you started your new job, it was stressful right? There were so many new rules and new procedures, it felt like you were in over your head! But, now that you’ve been there a while, and you have a handle on things, it’s not so bad. This is routine stress. Stress that happens each day, that your body has become accustom to.

Handling Stress

Handling stress is the hardest part, in my opinion. You have to find an outlet that lets you relax. Some people turn to exercise or yoga. Others choose to read or blog. And others do bad things related to stress relief – Food, anger, fighting. Stress, just like any other feeling, demands to be felt. Bottling it up, isn’t going to help. But having an outburst isn’t good either!

Here’s some ideas:

  • Get some sleep!
  • Stay in touch with family and friends who can provide emotional support.
  • Explore stress coping programs: yoga, meditation, or gentle exercises
  • Exercise regularly – even taking a simple 30 minute walk around the block can help.
  • Pet your four legged friend: Dogs and cats have been proven to relieve stress and lower blood pressure.
  • Take note of what you’re eating. Eating a ton of junk food can affect your mood.
  • Set simple priorities or goals. Find a few things that need to be accomplished today and organize them in a way that you can accomplish them with little effort.
  • Become more aware of your body. Does doing this make me feel better or worse? Notice how much stress becomes too much.
  • Recognize your body’s warning signs: difficulty sleeping, over eating, fatigue, easily angered, panicky, lack of focus.
  • Take care of your body – Make sure to drink plenty of water. See a doctor for existing health issues, and notify your doctor immediately if something gets worse.

The key is to take care of yourself. After all, you only have one body.



The last week has been more than trying. I am so pissed and tired and mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted!

I just don’t know how much more that I can take. I’m so close to the edge it isn’t funny. I’m hurt and I am pissed and there is nothing that I can do to make myself feel better. To say that I want to cut would be an understatement. I feel like it would be easier to do than to deal with all this shit.

I think that the one reason I haven’t is because I swore to myself that I was not going to allow this to kill me or land me in the hospital. I am stressed to the max!

My husband and I are separating. Which is one thing that is really bugging me. Not to mention that it’s killing me. Because I don’t know what happened to him being supportive.  Then my car fucked up. Now I don’t have a place to live, or a car. And I’m stressing out about everything.

The Feeling of Defeat

This weekend has really just kicked me while I’m down.

There’s a lot going on at home that I’m not comfortable with sharing right now. But things are better as of right now, this feeling could change at any moment.

Things are overwhelming me. Like not having enough money to pay bills that keep stacking up everyday. There is only so much that people can do, you know? And bill collectors have no compassion for people, they just want their money. I get that. I really do.

Anyhow, so the feeling of defeat. It’s been overwhelming me today. I feel like giving up. No, not dying. Just giving up on everything. It seems as though I can’t do anything right. I know the saying, when things don’t go right, go left. Haha. Yea, but really. Life would be  so much easier if I was just numb or stupid. Or something other than me. I feel like everything that is going on is my fault. Which, It really is. If I had just kept my mouth shut and went to work, we wouldn’t be in this boat. But then, I would probably be back in the hospital, and all the progress that I have made would be gone.

i feel the walls coming up. Like there is no sense in talking. Because, talking makes things real, and real is worse. So if you keep your mouth shut, things go without being talked about, so there is nothing to cure, because it doesn’t exist.

I’ve had to take my seroquel twice today, remember that I was using as PRN for anxiety in the hospital. The first time I took it, It knocked me out. But it made the thoughts slow down. I was having racing thoughts so bad that I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t focus long enough to do anything. I tried journaling for 30 minutes and only made it for 20, but I guess that’s better than nothing. I tried writing a post earlier, got a quarter of the way through it, and quit suddenly.

I’m just anxious about everything. About my life, about not having money, I could care less about not having a job, but I need the money. Hubby needs me to have a job. I can’t get my unemployment until the 18th, and that’s not helping us now. Although, even if I were to have a job right now, it wouldn’t be helping us right now either. It’s a mess.

I feel like things at home aren’t going well. With me not being able to focus, and Hubby apparently too worried to function at this point, the house is a mess and I can’t do anything about it. I’m lucky if I get through this post.

Mom worries about me, I don’t blame her. I worry about me too. But I don’t want to do anything.

I feel defeated, as though nothing I do is right. There is no point to anything and I just want to run away. But there is really no place to run to. I mean, I have a place to go, if I need to, but no matter where I go, I’m going to be followed by my problems. I feel the walls closing in on me.

I know this is temporary, just like anything else. This too shall pass. Just keep breathing.

To Friends & Family

I’ve been trying to think of what to say, how to explain my disappearance from Facebook, or from work. And nothing really sounds that great. I don’t know how to explain in simple terms, because I want people to clue into what’s going on. I think that it’s important.

So, if you don’t know, I have some things to attempt to explain, provide some key details that I have kept very private. Things that are important and vital to everyone, but are kept in the shadows. So, here goes. Read the rest of this entry