How scary is that for those of us who don’t understand it? There are so many people out there that when they read the title, they’ll get it. They will understand. But those that don’t get it, they say “How is that NORMAL?” Well, it is. And here’s why.
If you look up pretty much any mental disorder, one of the symptoms is… You guessed it! Self Harm!
- Depression: Self Harm
- Bipolar: Self Harm
- BPD: Self Harm
- PTSD: Self Harm
Schizophrenia: Self Harm (reliance on drugs or alcohol)
It’s all tied together. And it’s everywhere. Self harm is linked to so many things that people like me say, hey that’s normal. Everyone I know that has a disorder is a self harmer and there’s a lot wrong with that, but it’s normal. Self harm doesn’t mean that we are out for attention, and it doesn’t always mean that we cut ourselves.
There are many forms of self harm:
- Cutting is always number one (everyone knows that one)
- Pulling your hair out
- Slapping yourself
- breaking bones
The list, honestly, could go on. And I’m going to link alcoholism and drug use in there too, because you are hurting yourself with it.
It’s normal, and it’s scary. But it doesn’t have to be a secret. It doesn’t have to be a shameful thing. We all need to talk about it. Get it out in the open for people to discuss and know that they aren’t alone in this struggle. Because after all, that’s what we’re doing. We’re struggling. Ans we are all in this together. So don’t be surprised when you see unexplained marks on someone, they are struggling like you are.
Okay here we go– every day is a struggle. I know I should live, but I feel like I want to die. To take the burden off of everyone. Everyone would be better off without me here. All I do is cause them pain and make their life harder. I have nightmares.. Things that i relive every single night because of things that happened in my past. I wake up screaming, self harming, covered in sweat and blood some nights.. I feel okay today. But what about tomorrow? Just two days ago I was sitting in my bathroom cutting because me and my girlfriend got into an argument. A stupid argument over nothing, yet I couldn’t bounce back from it. The more I thought about it, the more I dwelled on it, the more I wanted to die. That’s how it happens. The smallest things unbalance me and I’ve lost it. I feel like I’m not enough. I feel like I don’t bring any happiness to anyone. I want to be happy, and I try my damnedest to be. To be with her. To have a happy life with her because she’s amazing. But that black cloud is ALWAYS hanging over my head and it’s always drowning out the happy. I can have a good day… A great day.. And one small thing happens and my entire world is upset, turned upside down. I can’t bounce back from that… Ever. It overtakes me. She’s better off without me. I bear the scars of the strong. Most people think of us as weak but like I said. Every single day is a struggle to live. I can’t seem to have successful relationships, I can’t seem to feel I’m worth anything. I feel useless and like a downright piece of shit who will never amount to anything. But I’m still here. Still breathing. I’ve attempted several times to blow my head off. I’ve threatened to take my life. I know I should feel worth more. I have a beautiful and very supportive girl, two sons and much more. But on those days, in those moments.. Not even that seems to matter. Somehow though I pull through it. Only God knows how.
This was sent to me by anonymous. Thank you for sharing. Things have to get better when they get worse. We’re all in this together.
The one thing I hate about talk about self-harm is that everyone thinks that it’s a suicide attempt. I look at people with their scars and think how brave they are. They are brave because they decided to live.
You live with the self-harm. It’s not the end. It’s a way to cope. It’s not exactly healthy. But it’s how we get through the crappy day or crisis.
I cut, or I used to. I still want to…really badly. But I’ve resisted.
When I have a bad day, I want to cut. When I’m bored, I want to cut. When things get really tough or I get pissed off, I want to cut.
Self-harm isn’t the answer, but it’s not the end.
Keep holding your head up high. WE will get through this.