Blog Archives

Plan for Prevention & Recovery

So, while I was at the hospital, they had me fill out a packet that was titled “Planning for prevention and recovery”.

It’s a nifty tool that can be used with any mental illness.

It came with a booklet that gave specific instructions for how to fill it out. They say to put it in a binder, with 5 tabbed sections. Read the rest of this entry

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Feeling Social

I’m feeling more social as of late. I’m reaching out to more people than just the two that I talk to on a daily basis. This, I think, is a good thing.

Normally, I’m only texting my BFF, my mom, or Hubby. But, mostly just the first two, because Hubby’s either working or sleeping.

I feel that this is a step forward in my new “recovery” because I’m actually being social. This hasn’t happened since I left college. Which, believe it or not, wasn’t that long ago. It was only 2011 when I left. But, I feel so far behind. Left out of the world that I was in. I had friends, for a while. I don’t even talk to half of those people anymore. Like, most of them are on my Facebook, but all I do is creep. We don’t talk.

So, I am changing that. Slowly, but still changing it. I have reached out to an old friend, we used to talk every day, and I haven’t talked to her in months. She’s doing well. Oh, and then I started talking to a new acquaintance that I met at a MK party that another acquaintance hosted. Who else…I messaged my Big, but it was a mostly short conversation.

It feels good to actually be reaching out to others, getting out of my bubble a little bit.

It’s a change. And a new step.

That’s What Happens

So…I’m here and I hear about this kid who admitted himself to Wichita Falls, which is a mental institution. I don’t guess you can call him a kid because he’s the same age as BIL.

Anyhow, so he admits himself, supposedly for homicidal rages. So they place him on a 90 day program. Read the rest of this entry

Sunshine & Dogs

It’s always hard to find the sun after the darkness of a storm has settled in. The storm being the harshness and darkness of the deepest fears and negativity of my own mind. It can be hard to see the light again.

For those who don’t know what a panic attack is, I would urge you to visit www.highanxieties.org where you can read some articles and post about what it can feel like. You can also do a google search and come up with some “expert” results.

For me, I don’t always fear dying. I fear simple things which turns into “well what if I die?” Example: I wanted to wreck the car yesterday on my way to work. Which, of course I didn’t because I didn’t even make it out if my drive way before Hubby figured out that this would go horribly wrong if I tried. I love that he is in tune with me that he knows when to not push. My counselor and my mom both appreciate that. I’m not entirely convinced that I would be here if it weren’t for him.

Today, we are outside. I’m enjoying the warm weather and the sunshine. Just seeing the sun helps. We’re grilling 🙂 one of my favorite things! Rockee and Maggie are playing in the back yard. Of course, Rockee wants her momma. But I don’t want to put her on a leash right now. Besides, I have to get ready for work here in a bit.

Mom met with janette today. It didn’t hurt my feelings that I wasn’t invited. I just wish that I actually could have gone just so that I could see mom. But work gets in the way, as usual.

One day, I will be happy in life and in my job. One day at a time.