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Perfect

“Hey dad look at me, Think back and talk to me, Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I’m wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud, I’m never gonna be good enough for you.
I can’t pretend that I’m alright.
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.
Now it’s just too late and We can’t go back.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.

I try not to think About the pain I feel inside.
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me, Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care anymore.

And now I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud.
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t stand another fight, And nothing’s alright.

‘Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.
Now it’s just too late and We can’t go back.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said.
Nothing’s gonna make this right again.
Please don’t turn your back,
I can’t believe it’s hard Just to talk to you, But you don’t understand.

‘Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.
Now it’s just too late and We can’t go back.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.

‘Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.
Now it’s just too late and We can’t go back.
I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect…”

— Simple Plan

 When I first heard this song, I was in tears. Why? Simple. It’s my life, with Bitch.

Nothing I could do was ever right. We couldn’t talk. We fought, all the time. This was my life. And this song, this one simple song, hit the nail right on the head. It was so weird. It became my anthem. I even used some of the lyrics in a note to her, asking (begging) her for forgiveness — something I did was to grand just to say “I’m sorry”, I had to beg.

I don’t know why Simple Plan wrote this song, but I know it’s for people like me.

Bitch, was everything to me. She was my mom, she was my hero. She was everything. And she just kept throwing it away. Kept killing our relationship, over and over.

Of course, if you ask her, it was always me. I was the reason that Everything went to shit. I’m still the reason why we can’t get along.

I wish I could just let her go. But I think about her often, and no, not fondly. I had a dream about her last night. I was running away, and I kept running. I’m tired of her killing my dreams.

I’m sorry that I can’t be perfect…

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Imaginary

“I linger in the doorway, Of alarm clock screaming, Monsters calling my name.
Let me stay, Where the wind will whisper to me, Where the raindrops, as they’re falling, tell a story.

In my field of paper flowers, And candy clouds of lullaby.
I lie inside myself for hours, And watch my purple sky fly over me.

Don’t say I’m out of touch, With this rampant chaos – your reality.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge, The nightmare I built my own world to escape.

In my field of paper flowers, And candy clouds of lullaby.
I lie inside myself for hours, And watch my purple sky fly over me.

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming, Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights.
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming, The goddess of imaginary light.

In my field of paper flowers, And candy clouds of lullaby.
I lie inside myself for hours, And watch my purple sky fly over me.”

— Evanescence

I have loved this song since I heard it. It’s called “Imaginary” by Evanescence. I have loved it because, I think, it hit home. The nights that I couldn’t sleep and hallucinations that followed me everywhere. I wanted to create a world where I could simply disappear.

I loved it because she didn’t. I wasn’t even supposed to have this CD, but I did. I bought it myself when my cousin showed me “My Immortal”.

I would listen to the song over and over again, hours upon hours. I still don’t get tired of it. For some dark reason, I connect to it. I say dark, because the song itself is dark. It hosts dark tones and themes. It’s beautiful. And it’s been a perfect song for me for a very long time.

This might not make any sense to anyone, I could just be rambling on. But I love this song. And I think many people could feel the same connection and pull to this song, just like me.

Blame It On Bad Luck – Bayside

“Pound my knuckles hard against the floor, my head against the wall, but I did this to myself. Assume it’s just not worth getting back up, so I’ll blame it on bad luck. And I’ll shake responsibility and say a hard life did this to me.”

A Melody Sounds Like A Memory

There are so many songs that I listen to that bring up so many memories.

1. Viva la Vida by Coldplay: reminds me of Prom. Both in the lyrics, high school was the time of my life, and the fact that it was the first song that we heard playing walking into Prom. The best night of my life. 🙂

2. My Sacrifice by Creed: Singing to Hubby when he was just a boyfriend, on our way to a color guard competition.

3. Let It Die by Three Days Grace: dancing in the rain while the jerk watched us.

4. Shake It by Metro Station: dancing and singing on the bus on the way to a football game.

5. Still Around by 3Oh!3: Missing him.

6. (*Fin) by Anberlin: Our song. I listened to it over and over while writing my stupid research paper.

7. You Could Be Happy by Coldplay: When he left…

8. What Makes a Man a Man by Emery: the first time I heard him sing.