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Failures or Lessons

I’ve been thinking about all the things that have led me here. All the mistakes I’ve made, all the failures I’ve encountered. Its been a long journey and I’m only 22.

I hate myself,
more than I ever let on.
I’m burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much and I’ll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from.
Knew what I was getting into.

— Bayside

I hate that I’ve made so many mistakes, then again, hindsight is always 20/20. If I knew then what I know now, how different would my life be?

If I knew that I would be regretting quitting school just to deal with life, would I have quit, or stuck with it? Would I have really thought that getting married would solve some of my problems in my relationship?

I look at where I am and where I could be, all I can see is failure after failure. I hate it. I think about all the chances I had and wasted!

Looking back at my failed relationship, I’ve wasted 5 years of my life on someone that didn’t/doesn’t care for me. 5 years!

It hurts, a lot. And he acts as if the sun is always shining. He’s not even touched by this sadness and emptiness I feel when I think about him… But he would have had to care about me in the first place.

I haven’t really cried much.

I have to keep looking forward. There is a reason for this….

Not a failure, just a lesson.

 

Secrets

For my family: everything that I’ve ever kept secret, was to protect you and to protect me. Read the rest of this entry

A Melody Sounds Like A Memory

There are so many songs that I listen to that bring up so many memories.

1. Viva la Vida by Coldplay: reminds me of Prom. Both in the lyrics, high school was the time of my life, and the fact that it was the first song that we heard playing walking into Prom. The best night of my life. 🙂

2. My Sacrifice by Creed: Singing to Hubby when he was just a boyfriend, on our way to a color guard competition.

3. Let It Die by Three Days Grace: dancing in the rain while the jerk watched us.

4. Shake It by Metro Station: dancing and singing on the bus on the way to a football game.

5. Still Around by 3Oh!3: Missing him.

6. (*Fin) by Anberlin: Our song. I listened to it over and over while writing my stupid research paper.

7. You Could Be Happy by Coldplay: When he left…

8. What Makes a Man a Man by Emery: the first time I heard him sing.