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Please Help

This is a reveltively short post. I have a friend that is in need of help. Their family is struggling and could use much love and support. The problem is chronic pain and a way to get relief that is going to cost several thousand dollars. Please help as much as you can. Every dollar helps. Thank you.

Read their story and donate at the link below:

http://gogetfunding.com/project/papa-s-dream-of-a-pain-free-life

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Lost

I am confused. And I am hurting. I feel like everything is falling apart and I don’t know how to put it back together.

The tape and glue only mask everything, and nothing is holding. I don’t know what to do.

I feel like the life that I have built is empty and meaningless and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know where to go.

I feel out of control. On the inside I am screaming, pulling my hair, clenching my fists, holding back with every breath. While on the outside, I am collected. I am calm. But I feel anything but calm! I want to scream! I want to cry! I want to fall apart.

I am afraid. And I am confused. And I am hurting.

My stomach hurts. My heart is pounding. My breathing is erratic. I don’t know what to do.

My mind is racing. A million miles an hour in a million directions. No one will tell me what to do.

I don’t think that I am unsafe, but I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t want to be with people either.

What do I do? How do I control this? Running running running and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.

Restless, breathless, hopeless. What do I do?

I don’t understand what’s going on. There are circumstances that I am not prepared for, though I thought that I was. I want to go home, but I can’t stand being at home. I am doing no good here. What do I do?

Where do I turn when things go like this? When I can’t stop long enough to deal with what thoughts are in my head. And there is nothing that I can do. It looks like I’m calm. My fingers racing across the keyboard. Thoughts racing and bouncing around in my head. What am I going to do?

Maybe this is over. Maybe this is my brain telling my heart that this is the end. That I need to pick up and move on while I still can move. Before things get messier and I destroy everything that I have ever aspired to be.

Darkness clouds my thoughts, well I wish it would. Then I would have a moment’s peace. There is no peace. And I don’t know where to turn.

I don’t want to speak ill of things, airing dirty laundry never got me anywhere. But I have to talk to someone. And the one person that I need to talk to is too busy to talk to me. Not only that  but they could careless. I wish I had that air about me.

I’m vulnerable. I feel wounded. I am lost. And I don’t know how to save myself.

I am anything but fine. And I don’t know what to do.

To Friends & Family

I’ve been trying to think of what to say, how to explain my disappearance from Facebook, or from work. And nothing really sounds that great. I don’t know how to explain in simple terms, because I want people to clue into what’s going on. I think that it’s important.

So, if you don’t know, I have some things to attempt to explain, provide some key details that I have kept very private. Things that are important and vital to everyone, but are kept in the shadows. So, here goes. Read the rest of this entry

Updates Regarding Preslee

I believe an introduction is in order! I’m Amber (not Preslee) and I will be your host this evening (more like afternoon here). I know what you’re thinking- STRANGER DANGER! So let’s get to know each other.

Here’s some background on me: I’m a friend of Preslee’s from our brief stints at college. One of the things we share is our struggle with depression and related issues that she covers in her blog. I am also a blogger but mine covers my experiences as a nanny for a little girl with Down syndrome and a sister to three teens with special needs. You can check out my blog here: http://fromear2ear.wordpress.com/

As you will notice, Preslee is going to be M.I.A. for a bit. I could tell you that she is away on a magical adventure or busy being knighted by the Queen, but Preslee has given me permission to disclose her whereabouts and wants me to keep y’all posted until she returns.

Three days ago, Preslee had an appointment with her therapist. She had really been struggling this past week, more than usual. She told me that she has days where it’s really bad, but never for a week straight. That’s something I understand from experience and will hopefully find the strength to delve into in another post. First, let me tell you something I’ve learned about Preslee: this girl is a fighter. She’s been fighting and fighting but this illness is something that can drain you of your will to live before you even see it coming. She’s been doing all the right things- finding a psychiatrist, a therapist, scheduling and attending appointments, taking meds, talking about it- but everyone’s strength has limits when it comes to this. Here’s where she blows me away… no matter how badly she wanted to skip it, she went to her therapy appointment on Tuesday and told her therapist everything. I am so proud of her, y’all have no idea… it’s hard enough to admit to yourself when you need help, but admitting it to a professional, knowing that it is likely to cause concern, is brave. That’s just how Preslee is- brave.

After disclosing her struggles with resisting suicide she was sent to be evaluated for hospitalization. Later that night she was admitted to an inpatient program at a mental health facility and so far is expected to be there for about a week. She called me after her initial appointment and kept me posted. What I remember most was that she was scared. So was I. I’m so in awe of how brave she has been. I honestly don’t know if I could do it. Her decision to get help before taking her own life is something that words cannot describe for me. I know she worries about how her depression affects her loved ones, her mother and husband especially. She’s selfless in her pursuit of healing and now needs to do it for herself too.

They doctor at the facility has her on Neurontin, Seroquel, and Celexa. What we don’t understand is why he’s having her take Seroquel PRN throughout the day when she was only taking it at night. Today he upped all her dosages and still isn’t explaining things very well but Preslee is doing well considering. It’s been frustrating for her because he has her on Seroquel 24/7 and then talks super fast every time she sees him, which is always for a very short amount of time. It’s pretty much ridiculous to expect anyone to follow what you’re saying when they’re constantly tired and never given a chance to ask questions. Long story short, she’s doing better but still has a ways to go. She’s also gotten official diagnoses that I will go over in another post after I do a bit of research.

 

I really respect her honesty with y’all. I still haven’t been able to publicly discuss my struggles with mental illness, so she’s been a very good example for me in that regard. Maybe someday I can be as real as she is. đŸ™‚

I tried to keep it light, but the ugly truth is that mental illness is anything but light. Our girl Preslee is a fighter, and is on her way to recovery because of the healthy choices she made. If there’s anything y’all want to tell me about yourselves or anything you want me to tell Preslee, let me know in the comments!!! I’d love to hear from her readers!

 

From Ear 2 Ear on Eros & Psyche,

 

Amber