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One More Day

Tonight is the night to get your stories to me. If you’ve ever wanted to share your story about living with bipolar but have been too scared to, now is the time to get it out in the open. You can remain completely anonymous and share your triumphs, struggles, or general dealings with bipolar.
Anything supportive that you want to share, stories, poems, anything, please pass it this way. I want to incorporate it into my blog for World Bipolar Day tomorrow. Thanks in advance! 🙂

Hurt

I am hurt, broken beyond recognition.

I don’t understand what’s happening to me.

The pieces crumble, falling down.

We built a castle, nestled on the sand, beside the ocean.

Ashes, ashes fall all around me.

Burning, everything is burning now.

Our life, our lies. Everything.

When the end came, I tried.

I tried to keep hold of everything.

Dousing the flames of the deceit and pain.

I grab my chest, holding my heart close, as I run.

Broken and shattered.

I ran, ran far away hoping you’d chase me.

Looking over my shoulder, I see that you are but a dot on the horizon.

I see you now, content with a life full of lies.

Contentment based on a freedom, a freedom from me.

I don’t understand.

I can’t pretend.

I miss you, and I will always want you.

But you’ve changed, you’ve faded.

You’re more a memory than a real person,

Pictures on the wall, falling like snow.

Memories faded around the edges, missing pieces

Like a puzzle that will never be solved.

Oh, how I miss the times when we,

King and his queen, loved like no one has ever loved.

But now, I lie on the ground broken, shattered.

Dying, barely breathing.

One day, I will wake up from this.

The nightmare will be over,

But now, all I feel is pain, hurt, and anger.

I’m watching our castle burn to the ground,

All the while, shadows collapse the walls.

Secrets shout like fireworks in the night sky.

One day, you’ll look back.

One day, you’ll miss the view, the castle we built,

The walls that we put up around our love.

One day, you’ll realize you never should have set fire to us.

You never should have shot me.

Dear October

Leaves are changing, the weather cooling, cool breezes brush my face.

I love the fall. The color and the smell.

Now, there is a feeling of anxiety surrounding the month, and I remember why now. Bitch tried to kill herself, three years ago, in two days from now. On October 3… How could I forget that.

It makes sense now, realizing that this is what is surrounding my anxiety about this month. There are memories that are trying to resurface that had been buried since last year.

Dear October,

You hold so much promise. A new month, a new life, a new place, and hopefully so much more.

As the colors of the leaves begin to change, I pray that I, too, change with them.

A new breeze comes by, bringing with it hoodies, and campfires.

I hope that you are as excited as I am to see what you hold this year. You only get one shot.

I hope that this year will be better than the last.

Sincerely,

Wishfully thinking

To You

Dear you,

I know that you will never read this. But if you did, I wanted the chance to clear my chest.

I know that things have been crazy. With us fighting, or not talking, like we have been, it’s hard to determine what’s going on. I think that you should know that I will always love you. I will always want you.

It hurts, more than you obviously would ever know, to let you go. But you’ve wanted this freedom, it seems, for a long time. And who am I to deny you what you want?

I can’t see you suffer anymore, for whatever reason, you were unhappy. And I guess that I never noticed. But, remembering the old times, there was a time that you were happy, and in love. And I miss that love and friendship.

But the person you’ve become, is someone that I can’t remember, someone I don’t recognize. It pains me to see you like this, and I wonder how long you’ve been like this without me knowing, or at least acknowledging it… You’ve been changing for a while, and I think that you, too, have seen the changes. What I mistook for growing closer, you saw as breaking away. So, forgive me for seeing this departure as a bad thing, at first at least.

I can look back on the good times and think of how wonderful our lives were together. How close we were, how happy we seemed. But, deep down, hidden in the shadows of our hearts, there was a sadness and anger. I think that yours boiled out at a bad time, maybe it took a crisis to make it come through, but your monster showed his face. At the same time, my monster growled and clawed at me; instead of embracing it, I ran from it. I thought that, by doing so, we were closer, stronger… I was wrong.

I will never forget you. All the times you made me laugh and love and fall deeper in love with you. I just wonder, now, how much of it was all just a hoax. Did you find what you were looking for? Or is that the reason why you left?

What makes me think it’s over? Clearly, it’s your actions, your words, and the lines that you have crossed. Some of which, are impossible to come back from. I hope that you understand that. I hope you realize that things are over, and will never be the same again.

You have your family to comfort you, as you have chosen them over me for the last time. And I really hope that you are happy with that decision, and the decisions they’ve made for you. You can’t deny that there have been issues in the past, and more recently that prove my position on this.

So, to you, I wish you nothing but happiness. But I really wish that you would realize what you threw away.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, career driven enough, or whatever the excuse is, for you. But I am me, and I am still a warrior. This is nothing more than a meaningless task for me to overcome in my effort to become better, for myself and family. I hope you understand that, while sometimes, you will cause me tears, it is not the you that you became, but the precious memories that I will forever hold close to my heart. The you that disappeared before my eyes, the you that I will never see again. And that, truly, is sad.

So, again, to you, happiness and love. But stay away from me, as I cannot see you destroy yourself before my eyes.

Sincerely,

A warrior, wearing no more wedding rings, embracing a new life.