I did something crazy…
Remember when we talked, it’s been a long time, about Donna, and how she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me? Well, I found out through Facebook that she’s sick again. The cancer is back. She’s not doing too good. So, to rid myself of some guilt that I feel, I reached out.
I wrote a letter to her. I wanted to let her know that I forgive her for what’s been done, I wanted to let her know that I still love her and think about her. Because I do. There’s a place in my heart for her, even if everything went crazy, and I know things are crazy, I still love the woman who was my mom for 19 years.
That being said, I love my mom. The one who’s always been there for me, through everything. The one who stayed when Donna left. The one who’s been supporting me, the only one I refer to as mom on this blog. My birth mother. She’s an incredible woman. She’s been through so much, and she’s still standing. She’s one of my rocks in the storm. And I miss her, I hate that we live so far away.
Back to Donna. I don’t know own if she is dying or not. And I don’t want her to die thinking that I hate her. I’m not the one who walked away, but I feel like there was more that needed to be said. So I said it. I told her that I was worried about her, that I love her, and that I want at least a friendship with her.
Oddly enough, she emailed me back. And it’s been a pleasant conversation. We haven’t gotten into anything too deep. We’ve only just started talking.
I have all these emotions now. I don’t know what to do with them. That and a combination of meds change, no sleep, it’s crazy. It’s overwhelming. And I’ve been struggling with these emotions.
Forgiveness is the first step. And it’s one for me. I’m doing all of this for me because I want to be a happier, healthier person.
But I’m also crossing my fingers that things go well and that I can have someone that I once loved so deeply back.