Patience, as I’ve always heard, is a virtue.
I have never been the patient kind. I want things to happen and happen fast. I don’t like to wait for things to be done, and I really don’t like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
One thing I’ve found is that I need patience, from others, and more importantly, from myself to myself. I don’t give myself enough time, enough slack, I don’t take it easy on me. I’m very hard on myself. I take things to heart. I take the blame for everything. When someone is teasing with me, or even if they are short with me, I take it personally.
Now, I’m living with a guy that I met in college. We had liked each other, but I was too preoccupied with what I thought I wanted. But now that we’re together, I’m really happy. The fun part of living together, is learning each other.
The other day, I was cooking dinner, which I haven’t done in a while. In this new house, we have a gas stove and oven. I don’t know how to cook on this. Not to mention, that I’m not that good at cooking. So, I’m cooking, and I don’t have enough pans…I don’t have enough ingredients…I’m not doing too well. I’m getting frustrated, very frustrated. So I turn everything off, in the middle of cooking, and start putting on my shoes and hoodie, I’m going to the store. Marcus sees me, and asks what I’m doing. I’m too frustrated to think of a sentence.
Then something I haven’t had in a long time happens. He gets up and hugs me. It’s not a simple hug, it’s a “someone is going to hold you so tight that all the pieces stick back together” hug. He stands there and holds me until I no longer feel like I’m falling apart. And when I’m more comfortable, he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him, and he jumps in and fixes it. Like there’s no problem, nothing has gone wrong, and fixes everything.
At the time, I was ready to cry. I was mad and feeling like I was falling apart. And he made it not hurt anymore. Sometimes that’s all you need.
So patience…It’s a virtue that I don’t currently possess. But I’m working on it.
The thing you need to remember, have patience for yourself. I know, we’re our hardest critics. But sometimes, we need to force ourselves to learn to be patient with us. Just practice on it, one day I’ll get it.