Parnoia and Irrational Thoughts

So, today, I went to the ER. Why? Well, I have something medical going on involving high blood pressure and high blood sugar, dizziness, and headaches. So anyhow, since I don’t have a regular doctor, I took myself to the ER.

The ER is not a place that I like to be, but when I have a problem that I can’t solve myself, I go. So, today I took myself. Checking in was the easy part. They took me back and had me to sign the papers, everything was good. Suddenly, while sitting on the bed, waiting for the doctor, it became hard to breathe. I felt anxious. That’s when the thoughts took over. I thought that the doctors were going to kill me, that people were out to get me, and I was going to die. I started taking the monitors off, they started beeping, and it scared me even more. So I hit the call button and frantically asked for someone to come in. The nurse came in and asked what was going on, and I straight up told her that I wanted to go home. She, of course, asked why. Well, why else would someone want to leave the hospital against medical advice other than they thought that someone was trying to kill them? I simply told her that I was becoming paranoid. She said ok, and started unhooking me. Meanwhile, the doctor finally showed up and asked what was going on. I told him that I was leaving and needed to leave now. He was just looking at me, so the nurse told him that I was paranoid and they let me go. I practically ran out of the ER.

Now, I know that this isn’t always how it happens, and people do experience paranoia. I have never actually experienced it, or if I have I can’t really recall. The thing that bugged me about today, is that I knew it was irrational. That all of this was happening inside my head and that it wasn’t real. That I knew that the doctor was only trying to help.

Paranoia comes in many forms, the most common is thinking that people are out to get you. I remember my psych doctor asking me that, and I honestly can’t remember what my response was.

DBT works to rationalize irrational thoughts. So at least I was aware enough that I knew what was happening.

 

Do you ever experience this? If so, what do you do to ground yourself?

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About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on October 26, 2014, in Life, Mental Health and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I’m glad you posted this. I get thoughts like this also. I just had an episode this morning and paranoia is a huge part in my ‘episodes’. I start feeling like there’s this conspiracy that everyone is is on, but me. I’m the target. They all want to hurt me. They want me to die and they laugh at it behind my back when they know they’ve hurt me and done a good job. It’s a game. I’m the only one on my side. Like your experience, sometimes it’s so intense that I just have to leave wherever I am. Also like you, sometimes I am aware even in the very moment, that I may just be being ridiculous. That doesn’t seem to stop the feelings that come along with the paranoid thinking and so I get very conflicted. Who/what do you listen to? Your thought telling you that you are maybe being irrational, or the million physical sensations you have that are telling your body to run and get out of there before the doctors kill you? It’s hard. I haven’t mastered this skill set yet for these situations. Sometimes just listing facts about the situation can help. If I can’t prove something (if it can’t be seen, felt or measured), then I have to dismiss that thought in the moment. Sorry for blabbing. It’s good you were aware. That can be difficult so definitely give yourself a pat on the back for that. Awareness is crucial.

    • Awareness is something that I have struggled with for a very long time. Thankfully, with some therapy, I’ve become more self aware. I know when I’m not feeling right, when something is off kilter, and when I’m about to have an anxiety attack. The paranoid thoughts, that totally threw me. I’m not sure that I’ve experienced it before. I think the hardest part of that was trying to figure out who to listen to, the rational part of my brain or the part that was telling me to run as fast as I can. In the end, I ran…I’m not sure that this was the best decision, but in that moment, is was what was best for me. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you in the moment and get yourself out of the immediate threat.
      I like your idea of listing facts. That is sometimes very helpful in raising your self awareness. It grounds you in reality, right? Grounding objects are a big deal to me. I haven’t found one thing that really helps me yet. Last weekend, I was making a road trip and started panicking in the car. The only thing that halfway helped was to slap my leg in time with the music. I did it to where it stung just enough to let me know that what I was feeling on my leg was real, and what I was feeling everywhere else was just anxiety. It seemed to help. Now, I’m having a hard time being in the car, even as a passenger, which is weird because I love to drive.
      Thanks for your comment. I hope that your episodes become more controllable, maybe do some self awareness exercises? I’ll see if I can find any and post them.

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