Monthly Archives: April 2014
Hello to all my readers. This post is more of a question than anything.
Since my hospitalization last year, I have been trying to find out how to get Rockee registered to be an ESA. I want to guarantee that she will be with me as long as she lives. She is good for my disabilities. She’s helping me remain calm and not cut most of the time, I need her.
So, my question is, how do I do it? I’ve gotten very mixed reviews on Facebook as to how to go about it. I’ve been told, and research found, that all I need is a letter or prescription for her, stating that she helps with my disorders and is good for me to have with me at all times. I’ve been told that I need to register her with the national registry thing, but then was told that it’s a scam. So, for any of my mental health professionals out there, do you know how to go about this? It’s necessary. I have to have her with me. So if anyone can help, information would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Eros N Psyche
So, once again, I find myself starting over. It’s not the first time, obviously. But I’m really tired of starting over.
I’ve moved in with some friends this time. So, I have support, constant people in the house, no room for making stupid mistakes. I can’t cut, I’ll get caught.
So, starting over for me is hard. It’s a time to where I have to decide what I’m letting go of so that I can survive, and sometimes it’s really hard. I have to give up certain freedoms, bills, and responsibilities. I’m not opposed to giving up bills, that lightens the load on me a little. But I’m constantly surrounded by people, which is what I need, but at the same time, I either feel alone or over crowded.
I don’t like starting over, and when it happens I wish that it would happen like a reset switch. You know, you hit the button and everything changes over? Yea, that’s how I want things to happen. But life takes a process, which I hate. I hate the waiting part of it really.
I’ve been impulsive today. I went shopping when I got my unemployment. Now, of course, I took some of the things back, but I bought a purse that I didn’t REALLY need and a new wallet, again, didn’t REALLY need it. But I bought them anyhow. I didn’t take them back. But I got Rockee a harness for some reason, I did take that one back. I still need to pay my phone bill, but everything else is caught up. I’ve made payments on all my loans and even got a washer and dryer coming tomorrow. Clean clothes will be good. So, I can support some of my decisions. I still haven’t paid Ashley rent yet, but I’m still trying to get on my feet too.
I’m looking for a new job. The job at PetSmart did NOT work out, so I’m back to square one with that. School isn’t working out, so I’m quitting that too. I hate that I can’t follow through with things, but once I’m bored with it, that’s pretty much the end. School just isn’t what I want to do right now I guess, and I hate that I feel like that. I feel like I’m disappointing everyone, and maybe I am. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, but I have to do what I think is best for me too.
So, starting over, again, not fun. But maybe this reset will be a good one.
That’s sometimes a ridiculous thing to say. But I think it’s true. I get it.
Suicide is a way out. A way to get out from under all the bullshit that life throws at you and gets you away from everyone who hates you. But suicide is selfish. Here’s why:
Suicide takes you completely out of the picture. You might not be in pain anymore, but what about those you leave behind? How are they supposed to go on without you? When you’re dead, you sleep, forever. You’re out of harms way. But what about all those people who did love you, whether you think so or not, there are people that love you.
Living with bipolar and BPD, it’s easy to think about suicide. It seems like it would just make everything so much easier. You wouldn’t have to fight everyday just to survive. But then, you wouldn’t be surviving anymore. You wouldn’t be enduring, you would be dead and gone.
I think that a lot of people who consider suicide but don’t attempt are brave. They are at a place that they can function and can at least think about the consequences of their actions. Meaning, leaving this life with so much life left to live, leaving people behind and responsibilities. We all have people. We might not always think we have people, but we do. There are people who depend on us to make them smile, because simply being in their life brings them joy. Without us, who takes care of them? Who do you take care of everyday? For me, that’s my mom and my dog Rockee. It doesn’t seem like much, but I know that my mom depends on hearing from me everyday. Rockee, she depends on me for everything. For her, I’m her life. She’s the child I never had and she depends on me for love, shelter, food, water, everything. I’m life to her. Because without me, she wouldn’t be here.
We all have someone. There’s someone who is depending on us. And without us, their world would fall apart. Don’t think you’re worth anything? Think again. Because somewhere, there is someone who cares just for you.
Suicide eliminates you from the picture, it takes you out of the world. I know that we all think about it, and at times it seems like the easiest thing to do. Suicide is simple, but it’s so unfair to everyone else. You will be remembered only as the selfish one who ended their life because they were tired of surviving, and that’s not how I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as the one who survived until the very end. And that’s what I intend to do.
If you’re at the edge and you’re thinking about jumping, think about all your family, all your friends, your pets, even your coworkers. You touch people’s lives. You are someone. And there is someone out there that still needs you, I promise.