That Blah Feeling

Lately, I’ve been feeling like blah. Blah is a general category for me. I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel too terribly bad, I’m not good, but I’m not bad, so I’m blah.

I had an episode the other day that resulted in crying and throwing up, then getting pissed off because of the earlier. I was freaking out because I was focusing on something that I couldn’t change. I had upset my mom earlier that day over something stupid that I should have known better than to do. But I wasn’t thinking, so I went ahead without everyone. Had I been thinking, maybe everything else would have been ok. Anyhow, I was sitting there and thinking about everything and that led to me thinking about every mistake I’ve ever made, which made me think that my newest accomplishment might be my biggest mistake yet. I’m back in School, to be an MA (medical assistant). It’s the next step up from being a CNA (certified nurses assistant). And I was sitting there thinking that everything is going to hell. I can’t pay for my bills, because I can’t hold a job, I can’t hold a job because I’m not stable yet, so what’s the point in going to school if I can’t do anything? So I started crying. And then I wanted to go home. Sad thing was, I was at home. There was nowhere for me to go. I miss people, my life before all this crap with Justin and everything else. I want to go home. But there is no home for me to go to. Nowhere that I would be happy like I want. I want to be happy like I used to be. Loved like I used to be loved.

Anyhow, that feeling passed. Well, not the going home part, but today I feel like I’m home. Or at least more home that I had been feeling. I’m doing ok. But I’m feeling kinda blah right now. It’s hard to explain, but I think that I did pretty good in the first sentence.

Remember that I want your stories for World Bipolar Day. Let’s end the stigma together by reaching out and sharing with others.

Advertisements

About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on March 28, 2014, in Mental Health and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. ‘that blah feeling’ is a great way of describing things sometimes. I hope they start to look up!

  2. Blah is best. It is safe.

Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: