Monthly Archives: January 2014

School

So, here I am, thinking about school, again. I’m seriously considering going back to pursue my degree in Psychology. I don’t know where to start. But I’m thinking about it…

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You Still Hold My Hand

I wish it weren’t true. But, the truth is, I still miss you.

You are everywhere I look, even when I’m not trying. But when I try, you disappear.

Sometimes, I wish that it never happened. That we never met.

I knew the dream would end, faster than anticipated.

The sad thing is, I miss you. And I wish you missed me too.

Unless

I was watching The Lorax the other day, and a quote from Dr. Suess stuck in my head.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” – Dr. Suess

unless

Anyhow, so it stuck me, struck me as a wonderful quote that could be applied to many things. I thought, what if we applied it to mental illness, the stigma attached to it. That unless someone cares a whole lot, it’s not going to get better. It’s not.

There is a certain, horrible stigma attached to mental illness and mental health. That if you’re on antidepressants or antipsychotics, you’re crazy. That you can pray away the illness and the depression and everything be just fine. That if you’re on the meds, you’re going to go crazy and kill people or something else.

Being sick, dealing with this stuff, whether it was an inherited illness, natural chemical imbalance or the situation that triggers it, there is nothing weak about it. The strongest people I know are people like me. The ones who want to kill themselves every single day, yet, here they are, still breathing, still fighting. We fight to live every day.

Everyday you wake up, put on clothes, remember to eat and to breathe, you are still fighting. You haven’t given in or given up, even though that would be the easier road. It would be easy to give in to the demons that plague us every day. It would be easy to overdose and just stop breathing. But we fight. And we continue to fight every single time we remember to take a breath. Every time we remember to take the meds that take the edge off, or keep the voices at bay.

Dying, that’s the easy way out. But think of everything that you would miss out on. Your family. Your friends. Watching your life develop into something amazing and worth while. Everything that makes the days a little lighter and happier. We fight.

Here’s the thing. Unless we care an awful lot about changing the stigmas, sharing out stories of our survival, and telling people that we aren’t crazy and it’s real; nothing is going to get better. It’s not. So with that being said, I advise everyone to start talking about mental health and mental illness. Remove the stigma. Just because our illnesses are invisible, it doesn’t mean that it is any less real than cancer. In fact, I want to venture to say that more people are struck with mental illnesses than cancer. Just a thought.

Share your stories, share your triumphs and your strengths. We are not crazy, we are touched with something bigger than ourselves. And we need help sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t worth love and happiness and friendship.

Please remember that you are strong enough to live this life. And remember that you are wonderful and worth saving.

Share our stories, and our pages. And together, we will end the stigma of mental illnesses. We have a voice. Now let it be heard.

Down

I’m down. And I feel like im never going to get up. I’m not scared. Just worried. I’m here enough to feel the darkness encompassing me. Pulling me into the abyss to which I’ll never climb out. Mom is worried, but she doesn’t hover. Which is good. But I feel the darkness pulling at the edges if my very soul. Shadows taking my hands and pulling me into them. Caressing my face. Brushing my cheek ever so gently. Comfort. I don’t want to give in. But its something I’m used to. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt. I just want peace. The peace that the darkness will promise me a million times more. I feel myself falling deeper. Water above my head. Gasping one last breath as I sink into it. Enveloped by sweet peace. Sinking into a peaceful slumber. Maybe I just need sleep…