Lost in Thought

We draw closer to the holidays, and for once, I’m excited about them. I see hope in them.

But in the darkness of the night, I can’t help but think of the past and wish that things had worked out differently…

Knowing that we can’t go and change the past, my only hope is now of the future.

There is no hope that we will ever get back together. There is no hope that the past fire will rekindle from the ashes. There is no hope of the past. There is only the future.

In the rare event that we talk, it’s your smart mouth that reminds me why we will never work. We can’t help but argue. We will never have our friendship back, it wouldn’t be the same.

Our trust, broken and tattered, will never be whole. Once broken, even forced back together, will never be the same.

Our past, which I can look at with such love and loathing….Love, because I adore what we were. Loathing because I wish that we could have it back.

But you’re gone, and I have to move on, you gave me no choice.

When I say I love you, all the comfort you afford me is a simple, “I know you do.” That’s painful to hear, but stop lying to yourself, you know that you don’t love me. Not like I love, loved, you.

So, keep yourself true to your course, you’ll end up back at home with your mom and family, with no job. Knowing that I did you good. Losing me, tossing me away like you did, sounds like you’ve messed up. I don’t envy you.

Good luck in your endeavors.

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About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on December 9, 2013, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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