Monthly Archives: November 2013

Hate is a Four Letter Word

I hate him. Or I want to hate him.

It’s a word. Its a bad word that we don’t use. Because we were taught not to ever use it. But I want to. I think about it a lot.

I want to hate him. After everything that he put me through. This bullshit with the bills and kicking me out. Knowing that I don’t have a home or a job. He kicked me out. I want to hate him.

I want to hate him for all the lies. The same lame excuses used over and over. I want to hate him for every wasted hour.

I want to hate him because I wasted 5 years of my life. Five! Five years to be with someone for nothing and have not a single thing to hold on to. Its stupid and it’s wasted. And I want to hate him.

I want to hate him for making me the lonely one. For me falling in love with him and leaving my heart with him. He broke it. He smashed it. He killed it. And all he can do is ask “is that all you wanted? Are you done now?”

I want to hate him for making me believe him. For making me trust him. I put down my walls and let him in only to have myself be crushed by him.

I want to hate him for bullying my dog. For taking off with Remy and not letting me see him.

I want him to hurt like I have. To know how sad its been. To feel like I have. I want to hate him for all the empty promises that he made me and never followed through on. I want to hate him.

I want to hate him.

But right now I’m just mad…

Update

I haven’t posted in a while. And this will most likely be short, just to let readers know that I’m ok.

Its been busy and chaotic. Life has thrown me more curves than I know how to handle. But I am strong. And I’m ok. I’m surviving because that’s what I have to do.

Hopefully, soon I will have a place of my own. And a proper computer so that I can post and work on my books.

Life right now is just busy.