Failures or Lessons

I’ve been thinking about all the things that have led me here. All the mistakes I’ve made, all the failures I’ve encountered. Its been a long journey and I’m only 22.

I hate myself,
more than I ever let on.
I’m burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much and I’ll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from.
Knew what I was getting into.

— Bayside

I hate that I’ve made so many mistakes, then again, hindsight is always 20/20. If I knew then what I know now, how different would my life be?

If I knew that I would be regretting quitting school just to deal with life, would I have quit, or stuck with it? Would I have really thought that getting married would solve some of my problems in my relationship?

I look at where I am and where I could be, all I can see is failure after failure. I hate it. I think about all the chances I had and wasted!

Looking back at my failed relationship, I’ve wasted 5 years of my life on someone that didn’t/doesn’t care for me. 5 years!

It hurts, a lot. And he acts as if the sun is always shining. He’s not even touched by this sadness and emptiness I feel when I think about him… But he would have had to care about me in the first place.

I haven’t really cried much.

I have to keep looking forward. There is a reason for this….

Not a failure, just a lesson.

 

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About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on October 21, 2013, in Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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