I Lie

I lie a lot more than I would hope to.

Every time I get asked if I’m OK, I lie and say yes I am. But I’m not…

I lie to everyone. Including myself sometimes. But the one I can’t lie to is my dog. She knows something is wrong, she’s clinging to me.

I’m not OK. I wish I was. I wish I could explain this feeling of defeat and depression to you. I wish you could understand why, in times like this, I want to cut. But its a scary thought and it’s not a good thing to think about.

Right now, I’ve realized that I am alone. I have one friend that I talk to almost daily. And right now I have that feeling that I want to go home, then I remember that I don’t have a home. I’m living in someone else’s place, its not my own. I don’t have a shelf to put my things, I don’t have a closet for my clothes, hell, my clothes are in baskets and a storage tub.

Pity party? Maybe. But I wish that I could just give up. Because I’m realizing that I am alone.

I wish I could just die. But I can’t. And maybe I don’t really want that. I’m anxious, I feel it all over. I want to cut. I need to. But I can’t.

So much for being stable.


About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, and Anxiety. I write about my own personal experiences and life with these disorders.

Posted on October 5, 2013, in Mental Health and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    I appreciate you being genuine 🙂

    Please join our new bloggers’ community- http://inspirationfordailyliving.ning.com/blog

    Hope to see you there!


  2. sorry it’s so rough. I’m glad you are able to keep from cutting…

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