I am confused. And I am hurting. I feel like everything is falling apart and I don’t know how to put it back together.
The tape and glue only mask everything, and nothing is holding. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like the life that I have built is empty and meaningless and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know where to go.
I feel out of control. On the inside I am screaming, pulling my hair, clenching my fists, holding back with every breath. While on the outside, I am collected. I am calm. But I feel anything but calm! I want to scream! I want to cry! I want to fall apart.
I am afraid. And I am confused. And I am hurting.
My stomach hurts. My heart is pounding. My breathing is erratic. I don’t know what to do.
My mind is racing. A million miles an hour in a million directions. No one will tell me what to do.
I don’t think that I am unsafe, but I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t want to be with people either.
What do I do? How do I control this? Running running running and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.
Restless, breathless, hopeless. What do I do?
I don’t understand what’s going on. There are circumstances that I am not prepared for, though I thought that I was. I want to go home, but I can’t stand being at home. I am doing no good here. What do I do?
Where do I turn when things go like this? When I can’t stop long enough to deal with what thoughts are in my head. And there is nothing that I can do. It looks like I’m calm. My fingers racing across the keyboard. Thoughts racing and bouncing around in my head. What am I going to do?
Maybe this is over. Maybe this is my brain telling my heart that this is the end. That I need to pick up and move on while I still can move. Before things get messier and I destroy everything that I have ever aspired to be.
Darkness clouds my thoughts, well I wish it would. Then I would have a moment’s peace. There is no peace. And I don’t know where to turn.
I don’t want to speak ill of things, airing dirty laundry never got me anywhere. But I have to talk to someone. And the one person that I need to talk to is too busy to talk to me. Not only that but they could careless. I wish I had that air about me.
I’m vulnerable. I feel wounded. I am lost. And I don’t know how to save myself.
I am anything but fine. And I don’t know what to do.
Posted on August 13, 2013, in Life, Mental Health and tagged Anxiety, bad day, confused, Confusion, Darkness, Depression, Frustration, help, hopeless, Life, lost, mental-health, racing thoughts, relationships, restless, situations. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.