So, last night, I attempted to go back to work. It did not go well.
Everyone was excited to see me, except me. I saw the old me show her sad self. The anxiety came flooding back at full force, negativity washed over me in a toxic wave. I hated who I became.
I was sick. Sick to my stomach, head aching, sweat beading on my forehead. I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to cut. I wanted to die. I wanted everything to disappear.
I called my husband. He was less than sympathetic. And I understand. It’s the financial issues that have always plagued us, but things have to be ok. We are almost caught up on the bills that we are behind on, plus my hospital bill… Probably not the best time to quit my job, but I had to do something.
I talked to my sister today, as well as my mom. But I told my sister more information than my mom. I told her that it’s coming down to me or my job. It comes down to, the even one more day having to suffer at my job, makes me want to crash my car. Because if I crash my car, then I don’t have to go to work. If I have to go to work one more day, then I’m going to kill myself. I got stressed out and I wanted to cut. I mean, this is crazy. No job is worth this.
I would rather live than lose my life over one crumby job.
So I called and I quit. Due to medical reasons, of course. They said that they understood and would pass me on with a good reference as long as I turn in a resignation letter stating that I’m quitting due to medical reasons.
I am looking for a new job. I have some leads and applications out there. I’ve applied for disability, to see what they say.
In the mean time, I’m going to enjoy being a happy housewife. Maybe write some books. 🙂
I’m doing better and I love life. I want to live, to be happy, and to have a life. Hopefully, things will get better.