Today, I was told that I took a very big step in my recovery, because that’s what it is. It took courage and support, but I took a big step.
Today, we talked about my Triggered episode.
It made me cry, it made me mad, but we talked and I think that we made some progress, if nothing else.
She said that it would take more than one session, it might take more than 10 sessions. But we will get through this. She said that she really thinks that I’m dealing with PTSD. Which, is a shock to absorb, and I’m waiting for it to actually hit my system.
We talked about the episode itself. How it made me feel, and honestly, it made me mad that something so old could hit me so hard and so real that it transported me to a different time and place. I could recognize where I was. It who I was with. And that bothers me.
I thought I buried this. Years ago. And it came up so randomly!
But she said that it was a good thing that its rare. It means that I don’t let it run my life. It doesn’t define who I am. And I’m sure that it will make me better.
For years, I’ve dealt with the self blame. It’s my fault that I allowed myself to be there in that situation. And she asked me if I agreed to be there, yes. Then she asked if I agreed to be raped. That hurt. But the answer is no. I’d said no. And no means no.
It helped having Hubby with me. He was supportive and loving. And he did everything right. And I’m proud of him, proud to be his wife. I am thankful for him. So very thankful.
He’s my rock. And he’s been asked to come to my next session.