Late Nights

I’m tired of working nights. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, or the fact that I’m not home where I belong.

Everyone has to work. Yea, I get that. But that doesn’t mean that I like having to be here. I don’t like having to deal with people. The residents are killing me. And they all know that something is wrong.

Then there are the people I work with that have no idea who I am or what I deal with: “would you just cheer up?” Well, shit! Since you asked so nicely, why don’t I just do that! Seriously thought.

I’m mad tonight, calmer now, but I’ve imagined myself slamming a resident’s head into the wall. All because I just put then in bed and they wanted up already. I hate when they do that! It makes me mad.

Some of the people I deal with think or act like we are their personal servants. I’m sorry, but that is not what I get paid to do. But in all honesty, it is. Because if someone doesn’t like you, they can call state. It’s a huge ordeal. But we aren’t here to serve the residents. We’re here to help not serve. I am not a servant.

I’ve thought about continuing in the nursing field. Getting my medication aide certification. I could do it. If I really tried. I’ve almost been here a year now. Never would have thought that I would make it.

I need a change though. I’m tired of late nights being too stressful, and then having too much time to think of ways to hurt someone.

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About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on June 19, 2013, in Mental Health and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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