So, earlier I posted that I would have more information later.
Before I go to work, I get nervous, which usually results in tears and hyperventilation. I have no reason to be upset. Normal people go to work with very little issues before leaving the house. Not me. Oh no. I have to act like its a death sentence. Hell, maybe it is. But it really upsets me that I get this upset. It shouldn’t be this way. I feel…stupid. Hubby goes to work with no problems getting out of bed, getting dressed, and heading out the door. Me? Oh, I drag myself out of bed, drudge through getting dressed, kick and scream and cry heading out the door, cry on the trip to work, and try to hide the tears when I get inside. Now, most of the time, I’m ok when I actually start working. Sometimes, I’m not. Sometimes I cry while I’m working, hiding it from residents and nurses.
I want to be normal. I want to half way like my job so that I don’t cry or have to take a freaking pill just to calm down. I just don’t feel like its fair. And then I feel bad because hubby gets frustrated. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just go to work. Well, I don’t either.
So, while I’m working, I realize that State is conducting their survey. Yay… Just another thing to add to my stress, oh, and they might pop in on our shift! Lovely!!! Work continues and I’m realizing that there are holes in my pants. Really??? Ugh! It’s just not my night.
I’m feeling sad, because its graduation season, and I should be graduating. But I left school to join the workforce and support my family. It’s just a never ending battle with me.
I just want to be happy! Damn it! Why is that so fucking hard to accomplish?
I’m just… I don’t know what to do.