The Most Problems

The most problems

The two: BIL & Bitch

BIL: though I haven’t had much experience or 1:1 time with him, there are problems. He acts like he knows everything. He has to control everything. I “made [him] miserable”. I’ve posted about all the issues we have.

Bitch: I have 19 years of experience with her. She was my mom for 19 years, until a lot of things happened. It was a disaster of a relationship to begin with.

The crazy thing is, they are the exact same. They blame everyone for their problems, the entire world is out to get them. The world is to blame for their problems.

When it comes to me and our relationship: it’s all my fault. Whatever it is, it’s all me. It isn’t either of them, it’s me. Of course it’s me! That just makes perfect sense!

Bitch blames me for a lot of things that happened between us. It doesn’t matter that she stole money from me, shut off my cell phone (for all she knows I was left stranded without a phone in a city where I had no one), she took my high school diploma, threatened to call the cops on me, the list really can go on. When we “try” to have a relationship, she sabotages it. How? She automatically starts jumping to conclusions, blaming me, and shuts the door. But you know, it’s all just me. She wallows in self pity, blaming all of her woes on me or the world in general. She lives in a fantasy world where she is supreme ruler who knows all. It’s weird.

BIL just irritates me to no end. There are so many things that I see in him that remind me of Bitch, i.e. blaming me, self pity, sabotaging the relationship, knowing all. It’s uncanny, the resemblance. As I said earlier, he tries to control the situation, when Hubby is being a little childish, BIL swoops in to scold him like an unruly child. It’s ridiculous! And irritating because I’m not allowed to say anything. It’ll start a fight. God help us all if I start another fucking fight between us because I opened my mouth to defend myself or Hubby. He knows everything, even when he’s wrong, he knows it all.

I wish that I could get along with the two. But it’s an impossible task. At least I can avoid Bitch. BIL, on the other hand, I have to face every other weekend.

How do you deal with people like this? Obviously, from a psychological perspective, there is a ton of stuff going on that I would love to explore. But from the “lets get along” side of things, it’s hopeless.

It makes me wonder, if I’m the problem, why am I still here?


About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on May 5, 2013, in Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hi!

    There’s something weird about this post… I can only see white space; if I highlight it, I see there’s lines, but no words appear.

    Very intriguing 😉

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