Musings at 2:30

Today, well yesterday, has been a pretty good day thus far. It started off a little weird because I had to go pay a bill and then go to work.

The closer I get to work, the more anxious I get. I hit the city line and felt my heart start racing, it was getting hard to breathe. I kept thinking, it’s ok. It’ll be ok. But it wasn’t helping. About that time, right before it got really hard to breathe, I passed my friend! One who graduated and moved off. She was in town seeing her fiancé. She called me. We talked a little bit. The distraction helped, a lot.

By the time I got to work, I was very calm. Like nothing was wrong at all. Of course, it helped that I saw that Angel was here at work! Yay! I’m not going to be bullied while she’s here!

Work is going well. I have help for another 30 minutes. I hope that’s enough time. I’m almost done with my documentation, so it’s just two more rounds and answering lights. Hopefully it will be smooth getting people up in the morning.

So, about, what, midnight? Angel is typing up her two weeks notice. That kinda bummed me out. Like I know that it’s good for her to be going onto better places where she will be more comfortable, but I feel left behind. I know it’s selfish, I’m happy for her. But I’m going to miss her. She is my only friend at work, and honestly, she is just bitchy enough to save me from the bullies. She also helps me when I need it or she makes sure that I get some help. I’m glad that she’s getting something better to help her family. But it’s a bum deal for me.

I’m ready for this night to be over now. I’ve eaten lunch, so now I’m cold and tired! I know that when I get back on the floor things will be different. But a girl can always dream!

This weekend should be good, but as always, not long enough. But I think that realizing that this is, literally, all in my head is helping me cope better. It’s not that I hate my job, I hate the situation, and maybe I’m unbalanced. I remember that I’ve been down this road before and that as soon as I get some medication to balance me out, I will be ok.

That’s it right? It’ll be ok.

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About Preslee

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic and Anxiety disorders, and PTSD. I write about my own personal experiences and thoughts.

Posted on April 19, 2013, in Mental Health and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. yes you will be ok. 🙂

    bullying at work is so tough.

    *hugs*

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