Monthly Archives: April 2013
See that handsome man beside me? (BTW, yes, that is me) That goofy man is my handsome husband. He’s going to hate that I used this picture, but it’s the most current that I could find.
He is an amazing man. One whom I have grown to admire.
He has become this super strong man. Able to bare the weight of the world on his strong shoulders, while dealing with the emotional wreckage of my past and current conditions. He has been able to deal with me and all of my shortcomings these past two years. He is physically strong, able to lift heavy things and deal with everything that he does at work. He’s a strong person.
He’s lovable. He loves. He shows it every day, whether its making me laugh or pulling me off the couch. He supports me in everything that I have set out to do, like my Scentsy or Mary Kay. He tells me to do what makes me happy, when I consider going back to school or making a career change. He loves me, with all of my flaws and negative emotions. He loves me through the low points where life seems so pointless, he pulls me into him and holds tight. He has been a huge support and help in my recovery. I love him. And he loves me.
He’s a hard worker. He busts his ass every day at work and his hard work has paid off. He has excelled at everything he has put his mind to. This makes him the highest licensed worker in the city. He works and works and works. He’s animal control and code enforcement. He works hard. He’s had many job offers! He’s a hard worker, not only at work but with our marriage. It’s not easy to deal with my depression or the anxiety, but he works hard to make sure that I avoid triggers and helps calm me when I do get upset.
He has proven that good can come out of bad situations. His home life wasn’t ideal, he’s told me stories that I won’t repeat. But his was bad enough. He has improved, persevered, and overcame so many obstacles. He is nothing like his family. He is his own man, someone to be proud of.
He is a wonderful husband, I am so proud to be called his wife. He loves me and supports me, even when I can’t love or support myself. He’s my superhero.
Weird. I feel weird tonight. I feel like I need to go, get out. I need to get out of myself. I need out of my body.
I need to cry. I need to scream. I need to rip out of myself. I feel weird.
Yes, I have taken my pills. Yes, I have taken an anxiety pill, though it was this afternoon and it is now like 9:30.
I feel shaky. I feel jittery. I feel weird.
I can’t go to bed. I’m tired but I can’t just lie there. I feel like SCREAMING!!!!
Hubby is worried, I think. But he’s taken his sleeping pills, so he’s half asleep already.
But I feel weird. My heart is racing. I’m not scared. I’m just feeling so weird……..
I want to feel normal so I can go to bed.
I want to not feel like this.
So, I’m watching Dance Moms…maybe I should go and take another anxiety pill….
So, Great Aunt Susie finally passed away. With her last breath, she managed to fix her will so that I get the money. However, she said that I have to give it ALL away! Can you believe it?
$5 million! Really!
Honestly, it's not that bad. I could use the money, but I know that there are some great causes that could use some great support.
So here goes. First of all, I will give a sizable amount of moolah (about $2 million) to an organization that I will create. It's going to be for raising Autism awareness, funding research, and giving to families. I want the money to go to research, because there is a cause for this disorder, I want to know what it is. There needs to be more research. Also, the organization will be giving some of the money to the families touched by Autism. It's expensive, the care, doctors, therapies…respite care. I believe that Medicare only covers a certain portion. It would be nice to help the families.
Secondly, I want about a million to go to TWLOHA. They are a great organization meant to help people who are dealing with depression and suicidal thought.
I want another million to go to the Fisher Center for Alzheimer's Research Foundation. My Granny had Alzheimer's. There is no cure. I want there to be a cure.
Lastly, I want the rest of the money ($1 million) to go to the ASPCA. I love animals, and I believe that the organization does good. They have different programs and services developed to help animals. But, they need to make less heart wrenching commercials.
I think that Aunt Susie would be happy that this is how her huge chunk of change was spent. May she rest in peace. 🙂
*Aunt Susie is not a real person, nor did I inherit $5 million… BUT if it did…This is the answer. 🙂
I’m rewriting this for my family, so that they might understand better. I don’t want you to be scared, or hurt. But I want you to understand what I deal with on a daily basis. This takes a lot of courage, because I’m baring my soul here. There’s not a lot of people that will understand. Just please don’t judge, try to read with an open mind.
I hope that when you read this, you don’t feel pity, but you become more understanding. It’s not a quick fix. It takes time to heal. Therapy helps, praying helps (religion doesn’t fix everything, sorry), BUT medicine helps too. You have to remember that this is chemical. My brain isn’t releasing enough “happy” chemicals to balance the others. That’s why they call it a “chemical imbalance”. Depression is not my fault or a weakness. It affects at least 1 in 10 people. That’s a lot.