For Better or Worse
If you have ever listened to a wedding, the part in the vows that says “for better or worse”, you would probably be thinking “well how worse is worse?”
The truth is, marriage isn’t just something that happens overnight, unless you go to Vegas. For the record, I have nothing against Vegas marriages. But, because of Hollywood’s depiction of marriage, it’s happily ever after. There’s no fights, and when you fight, you have this awesome make up sex and life goes on. There’s no worry of bills, no one just barely getting by on minimum wages, and children don’t complicate things – they just make life more entertaining. Now, they have come out with some movies that depict real marriage, but most movies are the total fairy tale wedding and happily ever after crap.
Marriage takes work. It’s putting yourself aside for the good of the other person that you now have invading you home and life. It’s not just you on your own anymore. It’s two people. A new person who might leave the seat up, or pee on the seat for that matter, and you’re just thinking “how can you miss a huge hole like that??? I mean, COME ON!” There’s someone in your home that eats all of your food, who makes this huge mess and doesn’t clean up, someone who leaves laundry everywhere – or a nice trail from the door to the bedroom, there’s mud on the floor from his boots; honestly, the list can go on. Then there’s when he brings home a new pet, and you’re both excited, until you find another one and you just agree to have the 2, then he brings home a cat and another dog who then, both, get pregnant and you have to deal with the two litters. It can be challenging.
So where is the work involved? Well, that’s simple. When your patience is being tried. Being pressed to the absolute limit and you have no where to go. And you realize that the beautiful honeymoon phase is over. This is where the work begins. It’s a HUGE adjustment to your life, because, as I said earlier, there is this new person invading your home and you share his last name.
For better or worse. Most couples just like to think about the better part. Like when all the pieces fall into place and he gets this awesome job and you two move into your dream house, driving your dream cars, and you have this awesome family starting. That’s the better. Especially when all of your bills are being taken care of by his salary and there is no one going hungry.
But what about the worse? How worse does worse get? Well, that all depends on you. On your personality, his personality, both parties tempers, preferences, etc. When you find some woman’s number in his phone, or he finds an unexplained charge on the card; yes, those can be little things, but they can lead to huge arguments which can turn into blow ups, which often result in one person walking out the door, the other following, yelling. It can be a mess. This is where the work begins.
How do you work on it? Simple. BREATHE. Take a deep breath and collect your thoughts before either says anything stupid. If it’s a fight you want, go to your room and cool down. Don’t go searching for a fight. If it gets really, really bad. Just hug them. How many people do you know that can stay mad when they get a hug. I’m not talking about that awkward, one armed hug. It’s the full bear hug and you just hold them close.
That’s fighting. But that’s not the only “worse” you can deal with. There’s always the issue of jobs. What if he loses his job, if you lose yours? That’s bad. Do you run away? Do you stay and fight? What if the unthinkable happens, you lose a child? Do you give up? If you have debts that just keep piling up, do you hide?
No, marriage is work. And you made a promise to another person to be there. To stand by them. Not lead them, not follow them, you stand with them. And you both fight for each other. Be supportive. Be loving and courageous. Don’t turn tail and run.
Just love him. Just love her. And remember, you’re in this for better or worse.