Sunshine & Dogs
It’s always hard to find the sun after the darkness of a storm has settled in. The storm being the harshness and darkness of the deepest fears and negativity of my own mind. It can be hard to see the light again.
For those who don’t know what a panic attack is, I would urge you to visit www.highanxieties.org where you can read some articles and post about what it can feel like. You can also do a google search and come up with some “expert” results.
For me, I don’t always fear dying. I fear simple things which turns into “well what if I die?” Example: I wanted to wreck the car yesterday on my way to work. Which, of course I didn’t because I didn’t even make it out if my drive way before Hubby figured out that this would go horribly wrong if I tried. I love that he is in tune with me that he knows when to not push. My counselor and my mom both appreciate that. I’m not entirely convinced that I would be here if it weren’t for him.
Today, we are outside. I’m enjoying the warm weather and the sunshine. Just seeing the sun helps. We’re grilling 🙂 one of my favorite things! Rockee and Maggie are playing in the back yard. Of course, Rockee wants her momma. But I don’t want to put her on a leash right now. Besides, I have to get ready for work here in a bit.
Mom met with janette today. It didn’t hurt my feelings that I wasn’t invited. I just wish that I actually could have gone just so that I could see mom. But work gets in the way, as usual.
One day, I will be happy in life and in my job. One day at a time.